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Welcome to OneLife Ministries. This site is designed to lead you prayerfully into a heart experience of Divine Presence, Who is Love. While it focuses on Christian teaching, I pray persons of varied faiths will find inspiration here. Indeed, "God" can be whatever image helps us trust in the Sacred, by whatever means Grace touches us each. Please share this ministry with others, and I hope you return soon. There is a new offering daily. And to be placed on the daily OneLife email list, to request notifications of new writings or submit prayer requests, write to barukhattah@embarqmail.com .
Blessings,
Rev Dr Brian K Wilcox, MDiv, MFT, PhD
Interspiritual Pastor-Teacher, Author, Workshop Leader, Spiritual Counselor, and Chaplain.
Brian encourages support of the 4-Star Christian organization Compassion, which supports children worldwide; for more see www.compassion.com .
Opening Affirmation
Go into a brief time of silence, affirming the following: feel the truth of the affirmation:
I am in the center of God's will for my life.
Opening Prayer
Whatever happens in my life, dear Spirit, grant me the grace to hold tightly to faith, hope, and love, knowing all will, in time, be seen to be well and to have fit in Your design for my life in service to others and honor of You. I pray no sense of failure or shame, or confusion, shall lead me astray from rejoicing in the life You have given me. Amen.
Sacred Scriptures
19 But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. 21 No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.
*Genesis 50.19-21 (NLT)
13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
*I Corinthians 13.13 (NLT)
10 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.
*Galatians 1.10 (NLT)
Sacred Teaching
In the last two years I underwent two great losses. First, loss of a marriage. Second, loss of a church and license to serve in my present denomination. I was losing both vocations, indeed, covenants, at the same time. I was so under stress, I informed a close friend that if something did not change, I felt I would die - and I meant it. Well, I did some dying, but not physically - dying into a larger experience of life, a beginning of resurrection from a horrible period of crucifixion. Many of you can say the same thing about your emergence from a difficult time in your life.
* * *
In one loss, my ex-spouse informed me to choose between following wherever I felt my pastoral vocation led me, or her felt call to remain where she moved back to. She affirmed God had led her to stay where she had lived prior to marrying and moving in with me. I affirmed the opposite. I was given no other option other than to lose the marriage, or agree with the offer she gave me. I made a choice. Now, I am single.
Afterward, I positively acted by going into counseling, and to work on preparing myself to be more prepared next opportunity I have at being in a relationship with a woman. Yet, I am content to be alone, and thankful for my life as it is, now. Likewise, I engaged in a cleansing ritual of confession and forgiveness, where I went over past relationships and released them, what happened, and all persons involved in the relationships. Each one was prayed over by me, and two other persons, who engaged with me in the ritual in confidence.
In the second loss, the church had been declining for years. Later, I was informed by a person who had been active, and moved away, that when I arrived the church was split between two political factions - both headed by strong men. Likewise, two years ago, after I told the denominational Conference to send me where I could stay a long time, they sent me where a church was already big in debt and could not pay its bills. My salary was reduced from full-time with full benefits. So, I lost my dental and medical benefits. Again, I went through another lessening of pay and reducement of pension benefits. My Bishop had informed me in private that I had gotten a bad pastoral appointment; yet, he refused to support my district supervisor, as told to me by the latter, in getting me moved to a new place.
Eventually, after two years of struggle at the church and loss of the marriage, I got shocking news. After serving The United Methodist Church ten years, eight in The Florida Conference, a committee of clerics and laity at a district level voted that my license would not be renewed: which had to be renewed yearly, for I was ordained by a Baptist denomination, not The United Methodist Church. I was basically working on a yearly ministerial contract. They affirmed my gifts and calling to ministry, but not my "fit" with the denomination, but they gave no specifics on why I did not "fit." And, to this day, no one from the District or Conference, after my ten years of serving the denomination, has contracted me to affirm any gratitude for the service or to see if I am okay. Translated, now I was living alone, cut off from my vocational support system, and soon to be without anything other than a quarter-time no-benefits job, and I would lose my home - for it was a parsonage.
I am not asking for pity, and I am not grumbling. You may, indeed, be surprised for me to write the following: I am rejoicing about both these losses - the marriage, the denominational affiliation.
* * *
While many would say - from human "wisdom" - I am much worse off than two years ago, even one year ago, such is not true. I do not desire the marriage back - that has been given to God, finally. I am glad my relationship with the church came to an end - that has been given to God - and The United Methodist Church, that has been given to God, too - though I would serve ministerially with them in another geographical, less conservative region. Indeed, I bless the church, the Conference and denomination, and my ex-spouse. And I am being more blessed than I can remember - even though I am poorer and not in a pastoral position presently, and live without a spouse.
* * *
I will share two experiences that occurred to me during these losses in my life. First, I want to quote from a favorite book of mine, with a favorite title of mine, too: When Things Fall Apart. The subtitle is Heart Advice for Difficult Times.
Each day, we're given many opportunities to open up or shut down. The most precious opportunity presents itself when we come to the place where we think we can't handle whatever is happening. It is too much. It's gone too far. We feel bad about ourselves. There's no way we can manipulate the situation to make ourselves come out looking good. No matter how hard we try, it just won't work. Basically, life has just nailed us.
*Pema Chödrön
When the church and marriage were falling apart, and I did not know if either would remain in my life, I had a mental vision given me - one that has helped me stay open and not shut down. I had begun, in the last two years, wearing a clerical collar. In the vision I saw myself standing over my desk at the church, and I was dressed in my clerical wear. I wondered why this vision? Odd. Yet, I came to see it was - and is - an affirmation of my calling. Translated: "Brian, I know what is going on. Yet, you are under my call. Your vocation pastorally remains, and you will not lose that." This helped me keep affirming my pastoral vocation.
Another experience was I came upon a framed prayer, as though by pure "mistake," about this same time. I adopted this prayer, before I knew I would lose my pastoral license, as a continual consecration of my pastoral vocation. Here are the words:
Father; unworthy as i
am, you have chosen
me to share in the eternal
priesthood of Christ and
the ministry of your Church.
May i be an ardent but
gentle servant of your
Gospel & your Sacraments.
*the Roman Missal
After losing the pastoral license, I almost abandoned the picture and its prayer. But, no, I kept it visible in my living room. I refused to allow the circumstances I was enduring to lead me to despair or negativity about my call to professional ministry. And this is still my prayer.
See, a denomination can say you do not "fit," but that means nothing for sure, really. A spouse, or anyone, can give you a choice between him or her, and you had better choose the way God leads you. Your calling from God comes before other "callings."
So, last Sunday was my first Sunday in many years not "officially" a pastor - though I am still an ordained clergyperson. I sat in my prayer room during church and was worshipping, and a single man at aged forty-eight. Do I regret either? No, for I am more at peace than I can recall in my whole life, and I know what could be for my harm is being used for good. I give thanks for the persons and situations that released me, for God now has His Will governing my life, and I am free to follow in Grace. And I can pray that God will bless those persons that once were part of my life, within the last years, but now go their own ways.
* * *
Yes, sometimes, life nails us. We face situations we cannot change. Some of these are unfair, some just. Regardless, we are nailed by life. As Chödrön reminds us: "It doesnt really matter what causes us to reach our limit. The point is that sooner or later it happens to all of us." What do we do?
One thing we do is seek to turn our dread of all the bad things that can happen into a hopefulness of the good that the unknown represents for us. For me, I am enthused about the possibility of one day meeting a woman who will love me with all her heart, and my doing the same for her, and we will have a wonderful relationship in ministry, in unity of heart and service, and willingness to follow wherever God leads over the remaining years - until death do us part. Likewise, I am enthused at the ministry opportunities that will arise in time, to replace the venue and ways of ministry of the past. Basically, I am excited about the new resurrections that will come out of the crucifixions of a lost marriage and lost ministry affiliations.
Sure, I have times of anxiety and confusion. At times, I get depressed and afraid, too. Yet, again, Chödrön, a Buddhist, in the spirit of Christian Scripture and Buddhist faith, puts a true and positive spin on these normal feelings of loss and transition: "Things like disappointment and anxiety are messengers telling us that we're about to go into unknown territory." But "unknown" does not mean "bad." "Unknown" simply means where we have not been before. See, the "bad" things that happen to us are not diversions or threats to the spiritual Path, they are the Path. There must be losses for gains to be made.
* * *
So, if you have gone through - are going through - a loss or into the unknown territory, you can choose to reaffirm your life calling and the dignity of your person, as well as your faith in God. You can affirm a faith, hope, and love that sustains you even in the most trying times. With love and faith, you have hope. In the words of St. Augustine, on hope:
Faith does not waver if it is supported by hope. Take away hope, and faith falters. If you want to go somewhere, will you even begin walking if you have no hope of reaching your destination? Furthermore, if you have no love for anything, what is the point of believing and hoping? You cannot hope for something you do not love. Love kindles hope and hope can only exist through love.
*Donald X. Burt. Day by Day with Saint Augustine. January 23: "Faith and Hope," Sermon 359A, 5.
Likewise, you may need to go through some cleansing-of-the-past experience. Sometimes, we need to relinquish ties that hold us to the past - this includes situations, persons, or a person. We cannot remain in the past and move forward, as we need to. This entails releasing resentments, and forgiving. This may occur suddenly, or be a process. Grace will help. And one way to help is to picture any such situation, group, or person, in prayer, and speak blessing. Blessing helps loosen the emotional-spiritual tie. And this forgiveness and blessing includes you, too. Bless yourself, forgive yourself.
Quietly Responding
Meditate on the opening Scriptures. How do they relate to my experience, as shared in this writing? To your experience?
Blessings! In Love! And Peace to All!
Brian Kenneth Wilcox
July 6, 2009
barukhattah@embarqmail.com
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*OneLife Ministries is a ministry of Brian K. Wilcox, of SW Florida. Brian lives a vowed life and with his two dogs, Bandit Ty and St. Francis. Brian is an ecumenical-interspiritual leader, open to how Christ manifests in the diversity of Christian denominations and varied religious-spiritual traditions. He is Senior Chaplain for the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office, Punta Gorda, FL.
*Brian welcomes responses to his writings or submission of prayer requests at barukhattah@embarqmail.com . Also, Brian is on Facebook: search Brian Kenneth Wilcox.
*Contact the above email to book Brian for Spiritual Direction, retreats, or workshops. You can order his book An Ache for Union at major book dealers.
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